Sunday, May 9, 2010

Star Wars marathon: The Rebuttal Strikes Back

For a a better appreciation of this article, a full reading of Bill's review of The Empire Strikes Back over at Bill's Movie Emporium is required.

Dear Bill,

I'd like to offer you a sincere apology for what occured last week in our respective reviews for Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. While my review made foolish attempts at dissecting the glory that clearly is the current instalment in our Star Wars marathon, you went ahead all blasters blazing and proclaimed your unshakable love for the film. While I commented on the movie's structure, character development and even its cinematography and lighting, you took the more awesome route and stated things the way they are: this movie kicks a ton of ass. It is epic in all sorts of ways oozes of Star Wars goodiness. Quite frankly, your blunt approach was apt, succint, clear and very entertaining. Now I know what it means to be 'owned.' Ass served.

Take care.
Your James Bond friend,

What follows is a fictional conversation:

Bill: The Empire Strikes Back is so freaking awesome. It is truly an epic film.
Me: Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you?
Bill: You don't do MMA, Edgar, so that doesn't count. Don't be foolish.
Me: Who's the more foolish: the fool, or the fool who follows him?
Bill: What? Whatever...As I was saying, Empire is unequivocally the best chapter in the franchise:
Me: Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes.
Bill: Hey, don't fuck with me, buddy. I ain't no Sith Lord. And stop talking like that or I'll wish I could Force push you across the room. Either that or slice your arm with a lightsaber.
Me: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid
Bill: Ugh...Anyways, our marathon is coming to an end soon and-
Me: Always in motion is the future.
Bill: Well...yeah, but I mean we only have one more movie in the marathon. It'll be sad to see this come to an end.
Me: The fear of loss is a path to the Dark Side.
Bill: Sure, okay...Maybe if we're lucky we could do another joint marathon at some point in the future.
Me: In my experience, there's no such thing as luck.
Bill: If you say so, Edgar. But really, is there a better thing than movie marathons in the world?
Me:If there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the planet that it's farthest from.
Bill: Well, I know there's lots crap going on in the world right now, I meant that more about the fun activities us film buffs like to do. We need escapism at least sometimes. It's not as though we have all the time in the world after all, you know?
Me: I do, yes, I do. Sick have I become. Old and weak. When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not. Hmm?
Bill: Okay, now you're just creeping me out.
Me: Clear your mind must be, if you are to discover the real villains behind this plot.
Bill: What plot?!? You've been acting weird since the start of this marathon, dude. Maybe it's a good thing the marathon will soon be over. Anyways, gearing up for the concluding chapter, Return of the Jedi?
Me: I have a bad feeling about this.

See you next week at Jabba's palace!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I know I said it already at my blog, but wonderful piece Edgar. Highly original and even though I know you said that you whipped it up really quick, it's very funny and probably the best writing that's been done in this marathon so far.